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The Working Parent Dilemma


Working professionals find themselves “stretched” to a limit as they juggle the responsibilities of being a parent and yet attempt to deliver on deadlines at the work place. Many find that they are ridden with guilt when socializing with parents who have the luxury of time with their children through the day and available for their every milestone – big or small! Those at work, are forced to leave their children with care takers or family and while they attempt to make it for important parent teacher meetings; often miss on other important milestones such as soccer practices, play-dates or rehearsals. Each of these “missed” opportunities leaves them with a feeling of regret and despite reminding themselves that they are doing this for the family, the regret lingers on.

The plight of working parents who have extensive travel plans or long hours at work is clearly visible as their routines gives them just mornings or late evenings with their children and that too an hour or two tops. And the unfortunate part is that they catch their children at perhaps, the most difficult part of the day – when they are waking up to get ready for school or just about going to sleep.

How does one who desires professional growth yet make it to the list of ideal parents?Quite frankly, accepting that one will have to multi task is perhaps a great step forward and also what is most important is a no comparison policy with other parents approach towards parenting. Once a choice is made, then all you have to do is plan effectively.

Having closely observed families with working parents in our schools is evidence enough that children irrespective of their parents working or not need to feel secure, able to reach you when in need, celebrate their moments of victory or defeat and confide in you. Thankfully, in this day and age where technology is just a touch of a screen, life is easier for everyone. I often share this with parents, being a mother myself who is forced to stay away from my child, while my son watches TV or is engaged in some sport with his mates isn’t ideal. I would rather take that hour or two, while we have dinner together and chat, watch a TV program and discuss it, read together for a few minutes and talk. This is when, an hour or 24 makes no difference to a child but simply knowing that his mum or dad are always around and distance is only a matter of space.

Things you can do to make it easier for you as parents to spend that “quality” time:
  • Sunday – make them family occasions from breakfast till dawn and in between, give yourself some me time too! Include your child in your chores be it shopping or doing household things.
  • Make early mornings count – you may have to compromise on your sleep, but exercise early mornings and spend time in the morning as your child gets ready for school. These are great occasions for conversations, even if it is you doing all the talking but add a touch of music, or reading from a newspaper or reading to your child, his/her favorite book and talking about the day ahead. Most working parents find it difficult too, but if you plan well and get ready yourself before your child wakes up, you can also accompany your child to the bus stop. These routines go a long way in giving your child that security and treasure these moments instead of your house help attending to them.
  • Make sure you face-time or chat with your child when he/she gets home – Its always nice for the child to know that he/she can share what’s bothering them or making them excited when they return instead of an empty house.
  • Most children are engaged in after school hours activities and therefore return home late perhaps coinciding with your return home. Allow yourself to freshen up and a snack before you attack home-work and dinner because a tired you, will be no fun for the child. Your child needs to know, you enjoy being with him/her and for that you need to finish your chores and then attend to him/her. Setting a routine in place helps – create a time-table for fun and then home-work and stick to it, so it allows the child to follow instructions and rules.
    • For example, 6.30 to 7.00 can be TV time while you attend to your work, and then 7.00 to 7.15 shower followed by 7.30 home-time, giving him/her some time to herself. Involve your child in getting things ready for school next morning… engaging in conversations while you do so, this way work gets done and your are connecting with him/her and making him‎/her more independent as well. Avoid house help attending to these tasks…. it is the single most destructive dependence we create for our children and then complain that they can never do anything on their own.
  • Organize play-dates with classmates or neighbours, so your child isn’t simply watching TV or using gadgets, especially because you won’t be there to physically regulate timings.
  • Make bath time fun by exchanging notes of the day gone by, and dinner should be eaten together over a conversation rather than the child eating in front of the television. Even if you prefer a later meal, make sure you eat a fruit or snack while your child eats. Research suggests that families that eat together have a greater connect and children emerge emotionally secure.
  • Bed time reading is a relaxation that you will enjoy what it does for you as well as for your child. Read Aloud’s are great when kids are younger, but even if they are older, pick a book and nestle alongside your child as he/she reads hers.
  • Once a week, surprise your child if you can by coming home early and playing a board game with him/her.
  • Remember your that role as a parent is to provide your child with love, understanding and security. You are not in the race to receive the perfect parent award. Each family has its own unique needs and make peace with yours so that you are able to enjoy the little time you spend instead of worrying about the large part of the day that you are away.
  • Holidays are moments that you can catch up on and make them memorable by spending time as a family. It doesn’t have to be an exotic holiday, it can simply be cycling with your child, or swimming or taking him/her out for a surprise treat! Baking is another fun family bonding exercise and holidays, are a great occasion to experiment.


On a parting note, remember you are blessed to be given opportunities where you can manage a family and work, so cherish it and “spending time”, is such a relative term – It does not matter if you spend one hour with your child or 24, what’s important is how engaged you are. You can surely make that one hour count!

Enjoy the privilege….

This Article is contributed by Mrs. Fatima Agarkar, a mother, an educationalist and Board Member at JBCN International School.
 

 

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Posted on: Monday,2017,Mar,Mon
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