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When we want to bring the world for our kids! When No matter what a hit their 5th birthday was you want to bring in their 6th with even greater pomp! When we wish to provide for all their needs because we were raised with insufficient resources! When you hear ‘mumma/dadda I want a bigger toy’ and even though you bought one just yesterday, your heart lunges to give in! When you tell yourself, why deprive them if one extra chocolate is all they want! When you say he/she won’t stop crying till the demand is fulfilled and you can’t bear to see them cry that much! When you are too busy and giving in to their demand is less time consuming!

If you see yourself falling for these temptations, BEWARE: you have a dangerously Impulsive child in the making.

Yes! there is a biological factor responsible too, but if a dough is left out of the oven it cannot turn into bread on its own. Therefore, even though a child has an impulsive streak in himself/herself, they will learn to ‘manage’ it if the environment and significant adults in their life permit manifestation of that impulsive vein in a structured manner. Now you may say you love them and can’t see them hurt, but ‘giving’ everything they ask for is not your only way to show love, if your 3 yrs old child demands to play with a match box you surely won’t ‘give’, because you know it is clearly life threatening.

When you become a wish vending machine for your child, valuable factors like ‘love’ and ‘respect’ cease to grow stronger. Moreover they are unable to learn a very important lesson of respecting ‘no’ as an answer. They become less resilient in challenging situations and thus have a narrow chance of success based on their own ability. They fail to enjoy social interactions by learning the beautiful theories of ‘give and take’, ‘good things come to him who waits’, etc.

Incorporate following tips to provide for them smartly, thus teaching them to ‘wait’ and ‘value’ what they receive:
  • Offer love/family time as rewards: Often when our child disagrees to do their homework or a daily chore, we bribe them with chocolates or toys to complete the same. Little do we know that by doing this we are teaching them an incorrect reinforcement pattern. An exceptional achievement should surely be rewarded. However, daily tasks like homework and keeping their belongings in place can be praised verbally with a loving hug and some fun time together, they need not receive presents for this.
  • Teach coping skills: The act of waiting need not mean the child should become stoic and frozen.Whether you are at the grocery store or at the doctor's clinic, waiting is unavoidable. The art of waiting becomes easy once they learn how to distract themselves. A mini board game (that comes out only during long waits) can be played, a picture book, quizzes/puzzles can be kept handy. A toddler can be kept engaged in physical activities like telling him/her to march like a soldier, hop like a frog, sway like a tree in the wind, etc. The statue game can be played too, alternatively 'Simon says' adds a lot of fun element. A masking tape may be squished into a ball and they can try to unstick it, clay or an aluminium foil ball can be used to make different shapes. Blank sheets to express their creative imagination, ex: a dream car. Out of box thinking can be encouraged by making them imagine and narrate – a story about a zoo without using names of the animals, how would the game of soccer be if the ball was shaped like a cube, invent a new subject that can be taught to all, etc. This would keep them physically and mentally occupied, thus teaching them to utilize waiting time constructively.
  • Give Kudos: Instead of looking for situations where they were restless and impulsive, consciously notice and praise times when they were patient. An excited statement like, "Wow, I know someone who did a really terrific job being patient just now." An equally quick and excited reply Me!" will be let out by your child. This is a win-win situation: he feels proud of himself and because you reinforced his positive behaviour he is more likely to repeat it!
  • Receiving expensive gifts become a Goal: Remember the moment when a month long hard work brought you your first ever pay cheque? A sense of pride! Even though the amount seems very little today, it still holds great amount o fvalue in your heart. Pride is best experienced when it results out of your own achievements. Possession of a lego house, battery operated cars/motorbikes, electronic drum sets, live size robots, etc. bring about a sense of pride. Our children will value these prized possessions much more if they are guided to earn them. The process goes something as follows:
  • Make them create a wish list
  • Add an extra column of targets (based on discipline/academics) to achieve in order to fulfill each wish.
  • Closely monitor and motivate their progress towards achieving the targets
  • Reward only success!


Boom! you have them disciplined as well as focused!

Learners at JBCN are motivated towards disciplined and goal oriented behavior too. Several homeroom management techniques are incorporated to monitor and mitigate behavioral deflections. As expressed in my previous article, healthy and successful kids can be raised only through a coherent effort, so lets work along the same lines and become wish-pending (until goal achieved) machines/parents/teachers!

This article is contributed by Ms. Sheetal Racherla, Counseling Psychologist @ JBCN International School Oshiwara

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