Published on: February 18, 2025

Parenting is a journey of discovery—learning, unlearning, and adapting as we go. As Khalil Gibran beautifully said, “You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth”. That's the charm of parenting; it is not about perfect aim but about learning and unlearning as we go, adjusting to each child’s unique path, as there is no right or wrong. But fret not, fellow bows! In this blog, let us dive into the common parenting misfires and how to adjust your aim so your little arrows soar.

With seven years of experience as an Early Years facilitator, I have had the privilege of being a keen observer and attentive listener. Through this journey, I have gathered valuable insights into how parents navigate various oversights in their parenting approaches. One of the most essential roles of a parent is to help their child feel safe within their own body and mind, as these two are intricately connected. This suggests that current practices may be superficial or may not consider the various challenges that parents encounter. Let us evaluate them comprehensively:

Rushing developmental milestones? Here's why slow and steady wins the parenting Race:

"My daughter is not writing her letters yet, and she is almost 4! I bought worksheets and made her practice every day, but she still struggles to hold the pencil correctly. Shouldn’t she be able to write by now ?"

As a parent, I have experienced this stage and noticed how easy it is to feel the pressure of developmental milestones. We often think our children should be mastering skills like writing, feeding themselves fully, or following routines at a certain pace, and it's tempting to jump in, pushing them to 'catch up' or 'get ahead.' But, I have come to realize that rushing these milestones can shift the focus from our child's natural growth journey to a race of achievements. Skills like pencil grip, letter formation, or even self-care routines develop gradually through engagements that strengthen their curiosity and confidence, like colouring, cutting, or playing with clay. While milestones serve as valuable benchmarks to gauge progress, they are not competitive markers. Pushing children to reach them prematurely can take away the joy of learning, sometimes even affecting their confidence. Each child's path is unique, and by respecting their pace, we can nurture a love for learning that will stay with them for life.

Over scheduling - Less is More: Avoiding burnout in the Early Years

"My child has art class on Mondays, dance on Tuesdays, music on Wednesdays, and swim lessons on Thursdays. I just want him to have a well-rounded experience, but he seems tired and sometimes does not want to go. I am starting to wonder why he doesn't seem to be interested".

I had a similar experience when my daughter was 4, with her schedule packed full of after school classes like dance, art, swimming, and religious classes. I realized that the concept of free time, where she could rest, play, or simply do nothing felt strange to her because she was always busy. This made me reflect: Is my kid overscheduled?

Overscheduling can unintentionally add pressure and exhaust our little ones, making it harder for them to enjoy and fully engage in each activity. As parents, we often feel the urge to fill our children’s time with every possible opportunity like sports, cultural activities, and educational programs. While it is important for them to socialize and develop skills, overbooking leaves little room for mental health, creativity, and self-awareness. In the rush to expose them to everything, I realized we might overlook what they truly need: balance and the time to grow naturally. It’s crucial to blend structured engagements with unstructured playtime, allowing our children to explore, relax, get bored, choose their own path of creativity and learn at their own pace.

Curious about how my child is coping — What was your day at school like?

"How was your day at school, and did anything fun happen?"

As a parent, I too have felt the pang of concern when my child used to come home from school, and the only update I would get was a tired 'fine.' Parents often express their frustration over the struggle to extract details from their little ones about what happens during the school day. By the time the school hours get over, kids are usually worn out and, just like us adults after a long workday, they crave a change of pace and a break from the routine.

So, my dear parents, timing and setting play crucial roles in these conversations, think of it as fishing for memories from the vast ocean of their daily experiences. The dinner table is a fantastic place for these chats, where the spotlight is not solely on them, making it feel less like an interrogation and more like a casual catch-up.

Here’s a twist I can recall that worked for me quite a few times. I would often throw in a humorous observation, like, ‘Did you pretend to be superheroes, robots or explorers at the school today? Or did you just giggle about silly stuff at school today? or Did you guys make a secret club or build a giant fort with your peers at school today?’ This not only gets a giggle but also opens the door to talk about their day in a fun way.

"If they don’t want to talk, then they don’t want to talk." is attributed to J.D. Salinger, from his novel The Catcher in the Rye (1951). And it's true! Instead of pressing them, I have found that sharing my own amusing or memorable moments from the day can work wonders. You never know; it might just spark their interest and lead to a delightful exchange. After all, sometimes the best conversations unfold when you least expect them --just like finding that unexpected sparkle in our daily grind!

Emotional needs are vital—let’s acknowledge them with care.

"My child had a meltdown/threw tantrums/ shows signs of impatience over a minor issue, and I do not understand why something so small made her so upset. It leaves me feeling confused".

In my experience, I have often heard parents sharing concerns about how best to support their child's emotional needs. It is essential for parents to engage in conversations about emotional needs with their children, particularly as they are still learning how to manage their feelings. Instead of brushing off their emotions with phrases like 'it is okay' or 'you're fine', parents can encourage their children to recognize and understand their feelings. For example, if a child expresses frustration with a challenging task and claims they cannot do it, a parent might respond, "I can see that you are feeling upset because this is difficult for you. It is completely normal to feel this way. Let us take a moment to breathe and discuss how we can make this work together". This approach not only acknowledges the child's emotions but also supports them in navigating their feelings.

As quoted by Sue Atkins, 'There is no such thing as a perfect parent. So just be a real one'. Parenting is not about acing every moment; it is about showing up, learning, and laughing through the missteps. After all, some of the best memories or stories to recall come from those so-called mistakes. Each of you grew up with your own journey of milestones, play and learning. You have navigated life, and continue to thrive, so will our children. Thus, embrace the journey, let go of perfection, and remember: our kids do not need flawless parents; they need real ones—spilled juice, crayon artwork on the wall, mismatched socks, spontaneous dance parties in the kitchen and all!

References:
https://www.allforkids.org/news/blog/why-the-first-5-years-of-child-development- are-so-important/ https://www.washingtonfamily.com/the-overscheduled-child-how-many-after- school-activities-are-too-many/ https://slate.com/human-interest/2023/11/questions-for-little-kids-school-day.html

Written by:
Pooja Jain
JBCN International School Parel

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