Published on: November 29, 2024

Parenting is a wonderful yet challenging experience. In today’s fast-paced world, parents often find themselves juggling the demands of modern life—from staying updated on the latest trends to making sure their children grow up with the right values. But as society evolves, we may find that some lessons from past generations might benefit from being adapted to better support our children's needs today.

According to the U.S National Institute of Health, parenting is multidimensional and parenting knowledge, attitudes and practices are shaped by factors such as children’s characteristics, the parents’ own experiences and circumstances.^¹

In India, cultural customs and social conventions passed down along the generations have long influenced parenting. While a lot of these lessons are still relevant today, not all of them align with the changing requirements of children in the contemporary environment. In a time where originality, creativity, and emotional intelligence are valued, some out-of-date teachings may inadvertently impede a child's development. In order to raise healthier, more self-reliant, and well-rounded people, parents need to reevaluate and reflect on what they pass on to the next generation.

Here is a look at some time-honored teachings, along with ideas for adapting them to today’s rapidly changing world.

1. Academic Success above all Else

Children often grow up with the belief that academic success is the ultimate measure of their worth. Parents push their kids to excel in every subject, sometimes at the cost of their passions and hobbies. The stress only mounts during board exams, where children feel like their entire future hinges on their scores.^²

Parents often compare their children's grades with others, reinforcing the idea that good marks are all that matters. But today, we know success is about much more than just academics - things like creativity, emotional intelligence, and problem-solving are just as important. Parents can help by encouraging a well-rounded life - supporting their children’s creative pursuits, hobbies, and interests alongside their academics. We have many local examples in various "alternate careers" in which those who work hard have been very successful. Let’s take A.R.Rahman as an example, he did not follow a conventional path in terms of formal education and left school early to help support his family. Although he did not complete a traditional education, his focused dedication to music shaped his path leading to his winning two Oscars and two Grammy Awards showcasing his global success as a composer and musician.

2. Failure Equals Shame

For many families, failure isn’t just a setback - it's a mark of shame, one that can tarnish the family's social reputation. This fear of failure often makes children hesitant to take risks or face challenges. They grow up thinking any mistake is a reflection of their worth.^³

For instance, advertisements for educational coaching classes often showcase parents beaming with pride only when their children succeed academically. This kind of messaging can make children believe that failure is unacceptable. Instead, teaching children that mistakes are part of life is essential for their learning and growth. If a child doesn't do well on an exam, rather than reprimanding them, parents can sit down and help them figure out what went wrong and how to improve.

3. Breaking Stereotypes:

In Indian society, certain stereotypes continue to hold back individual freedom and equality, despite the progress we've made. One prominent example is the assumption that English proficiency equates to intelligence. This overlooks the richness of regional languages and can unfairly judge individuals who may not be fluent in English but possess remarkable skills and knowledge.

Career stereotyping is also very prominent in society today. The notion that certain careers are inherently suited to one gender - like engineering or law for men and nursing or teaching for women - restricts opportunities and creates unnecessary barriers. This mindset discourages individuals from pursuing careers aligned with their true interests and abilities. Think about it.. How many male teachers do you see in Primary schools? Why are there so few?

Changing these outdated ideas can lead to a society that’s more open and understanding, where people have the freedom to define themselves without traditional labels. Questioning these stereotypes allows us to see people for who they truly are and recognize their unique strengths, moving beyond shallow judgments.

4. Love Must Be Earned

Many children in households grow up feeling like love and approval are tied to their achievements. Whether it's getting top marks or landing a prestigious job, some parents show affection only when their child excels.^⁴

Media reinforces this notion as well. Advertisements often depict proud parents showering love on children only after they succeed academically or secure high-paying jobs. Parents can change this by showing unconditional love - not just when their children achieve something. Celebrating the effort, persistence, and small wins can make children feel valued, regardless of their accomplishments.

5. Strict Punishment Is the Best Discipline

For many parents, strictness equals effective discipline. Often, parents revoke privileges or punish their children harshly in an effort to correct behavior. This approach, while meant to keep kids on track, can sometimes drive a wedge between parent and child.^⁵

Movies like "Taare Zameen Par" and "Dangal" show how strict discipline is commonly seen as the key to success. But parents can find more effective ways by focusing on communication. Instead of harsh punishments, parents can explain why certain actions have consequences and listen to their child’s side of the story. This way, children learn to think critically about their actions rather than simply fear punishment.

6. Always Obey Authority without Question

From a young age, children are taught to respect authority without questioning them - be it teachers, elders, or police. This lesson can sometimes hinder their ability to think critically or challenge unfair situations.

A child who asks too many questions may be labeled as troublesome, discouraging curiosity. In situations where authority figures are unjust, children who have been raised to always obey might hesitate to speak up. Parents can encourage respectful questioning by allowing children to express their opinions and ask questions at home. Teaching children to recognize and challenge unfair treatment while being respectful can help them build confidence in standing up for themselves.

7. Your Career Defines You

In many households, the pressure to choose a “safe” career like the family business, engineering, medicine, or law is immense. Creative or unconventional careers are often dismissed as financially risky or less prestigious.^⁶ This is different.

Think about Cristiano Ronaldo, one of the best football players in the world. Growing up, he loved football more than anything else. Some people might have thought playing sports wouldn’t be a good career choice, but Ronaldo’s dedication, passion and most importantly encouragement from his mother, whom he still thanks to this day, has helped him become one of the greatest athletes of all time. He has broken countless records and inspired millions of kids to want to follow their dreams.

A few other entrepreneurs who walked the “Road less taken”, but following their passion made the world a better place are Bill Gates, the co-founder of Microsoft; Steve Jobs, The co-founder of Apple Inc; Mark Zuckerberg, the co-founder and CEO of Facebook; Michael Dell, the founder of Dell Technologies and Walt Disney, the co-founder of The Walt Disney Company. These remarkable individuals made a career of and gave us inventions and ideas that play such a big role in our lives today.

In conclusion, parenting is always evolving, and as society changes, so must the lessons we pass on to our children. While many traditional teachings have helped shape strong individuals, it’s important to reconsider those that no longer align with the needs of today’s world. By fostering open communication, supporting individuality, and encouraging resilience in the face of failure, parents can help raise confident, emotionally intelligent children who are ready to navigate the challenges of the modern world.

Bibliography:

1. National Research Council. (2016). Parenting Matters: Supporting Parents of Children Ages 0-8. Washington, DC: The National Academies Press. Retrieved from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK402020

2. Singh, A., Patel, R., & Desai, N. (2020). The Impact of Academic Pressure on Indian Students’ Mental Health. Journal of Adolescent Health, 12(4), 105-112.

3. National Institute of Mental Health (2021). Mental Health Report on Indian Adolescents and the Impact of Failure. New Delhi: NIMH

4. Raj, S. (2020). Conditional Parental Love and Its Impact on Indian Children’s Self-Esteem. Indian Journal of Psychology, 45(2), 78-83

5. UNICEF India. (2019). Impact of Corporal Punishment on Child Development. Retrieved from unicef.org/india

6. Sharma, R., Kapoor, L., & Iyer, M. (2020). Career Choices and Parental Pressure in Indian Students. Career Counseling Journal, 29(3), 156-167.

Share